“We love because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19

This song and bible verse have been written on my heart, since I started preparing to move to Uganda. I knew I had been called to love God’s people, but I didn’t know what that felt like, looked like, or how it would happen. I began to pray that I would be able to spread the love of Jesus that was in my heart. Along with that, I began to pray, “God, give me the desires of your heart–to love your people.” (Inspired by PsaIm 37:4) I am a relational person, so I felt like loving people would be elementary. I wasn’t prepared for what came next. Love smacked me in the face–sometimes beautifully and sometimes painfully.

Jesus on the cross represents the most pure and high love. Jesus on the cross represents the most brutal sacrifice out of love. Love is easy. Love is hard. Love is given. Love is received. Love is known. Love is a mystery. Love is understood. Love is incomprehensible. Love is God. GOD IS LOVE. (1 John 4:8)

I don’t always understand this culture, and I most likely never will fully comprehend everything about it, but what I do know are two things are true about humans everywhere: brokenness and a craving for love. No matter where we are or who we are, through these two qualities, we have an understood empathy and common thread with all humans. No one is without sin. No one lives without experiencing brokenness in some form. Secondly, we all also have an inborn longing to live a meaningful life–something to show us that the brokenness doesn’t define us. We crave to have a reason for living. We crave to love and be loved. The answer is simple: Jesus. Whether or not we know it, we crave Jesus...because we crave love and JESUS IS LOVE. 

Throughout this year, God has answered my prayers in a greater way than I knew possible. I asked Him to give me the desires of His heart, and boy, did he ever! I came to understand that in order to let go of my desires and let the Lord’s desires become mine, I had to humble myself to listen, accept and have an open heart for the Lord to mold. I’ve been here for almost 11 months now, so I won’t recap the full list of all the qualities of Christ’s love I’ve witnessed and experienced, but I’ll hit the highlights.

–Within the first month of school, I had to kick two students out of my class for repeated disrespect offenses. I had no idea how hard that would be on me. I hated having to stick to the discipline plan, but I knew it was for the better. I had assigned them a written apology letter, and they couldn’t return to class, until they had hand delivered the letter to me. Day after day went by, no letter, no kids in class. My heart was torn between going back on my word and sticking to my guns. After one torturous week, two students and two letters showed up at my door. Fast forward to today and one of those students and I have an incredible relationship that is truly changing us both. Because of that situation, we have a stronger bond created out of TOUGH LOVE.

–I make jokes about how I became a mother of close to 150 kids overnight, but one day, that joke hit me as reality. I truly love each one of these kids like they are my own. We had a situation where we had to send a couple of our children back to the village. For the first three days the children were gone from RG, I found myself randomly breaking down with uncontrollable tears. I began thinking to myself, “What is this happening to me?! Why so many tears?!” The resolution of this situation was unknown for about 6 weeks, and I distinctly remember calling my mother and saying, “Mom, why in the world would anybody willingly have children?! This hurts! How come no one told me it could be like this?!” She laughed as she reassured me that the pain is necessary to make the good things that much sweeter. The happy ending to the story is that the children were able to return to RG. Just as the story of the prodigal son goes, I welcomed them with open arms, after experiencing and learning the power of an UNCONDITIONAL, PARENTAL LOVE.

–As most of you already know, I have a little Ugandan namesake, Lagum Kelsey. I love the family as my own. They hold a special place in my heart that I won’t ever be able to describe. It is humbling to have that special honor. I don’t know if I will ever truly understand what led that family to choose my name for their child. I do know that no matter their reasoning, I feel a sense of gratefulness, adoration, and UNDESERVED LOVE.

–One of the most powerful events of this year was an event called “The Awakening”. Several of us missionaries alongside a few Ugandan staff and leaders put together a “retreat” of sorts, for 30 of our oldest children. (Think Great Banquet, Walk to Emmaus, etc). The purpose of this big event was for the leaders to demonstrate a servant’s heart and to awaken the children to Christ’s love for them. Essentially, we broke them down emotionally, then built them back up again, making them look back and face things from their past that are keeping them from fully grasping Christ’s love for them. The biggest part of this event was a prayer walk that led to a cross, where they nailed a past hurt or burden, then they ended with getting their feet washed by the adult leaders. (In a culture where children are ALWAYS the servants, and emotions are suppressed, this was an extremely raw, sensitive and challenging day for everyone.) I am so grateful the Lord gave me the opportunity to serve the kids in this way, and I am more grateful to see how the Lord impacted many of these children through this event. The fruits of this labor are still evident through the changed young men and women who have a deeper relationship with Christ demonstrated by His FORGIVING LOVE.

–My parents and several of our friends had the chance to travel to Africa and visit me for about 2 weeks! I cannot begin to tell you how awesome this was. When I received the email that SEVEN people had booked flights to come halfway across the world just to visit me, I was speechless. (Possibly, there are tears in my eyes as I am writing this…) I will never be able to express how much this meant to me and how incredibly loved I didn’t just feel I was, but I KNEW I was. When they opened 14 bags full of donations, letters, gifts, etc., I was speechless again. Not only did I have those 7 people physically with me, but I had the evidence of hundreds of people stateside, who support me, pray for me, and love me. My birthday happened to be during the time my visitors were here. I was so (positively) overwhelmed. I won’t go into detail, but I had a showering of the love I crave in so many forms from my friends and family here and in the states, Ugandan friends and my children. I am still mystified and in awe of the POWER of LOVE.

–“How do you fall in love with a group of people?” This was a question that a friend of mine and I were talking about, and this really struck a chord with me. She confirmed this for me, “Kelsey, it is obvious that you have done that here.” I was so touched by this comment, because I truly have fallen in love with the Ugandan people. Another friend posted this after visiting me: “I keep coming back to one word: love. The love that Kelsey has for the Ugandan people and their culture. The love that Kelsey’s friends and family have for her. The love that the kids and staff at RG have for Kelsey. The love that the Ugandans have for each other and for strangers. All of it, deep, pure, beautiful and sacrificial love. But the Uganda’s love for Jesus? Whoa. Tangible. Earth-shattering. They love the Lord so intensely and without reservation that watching them worship left me wonderstruck.” I needed these huge moments of encouragement. I never knew how much I needed my friends and family to see this place and people that I have fallen in love with. Grateful God granted me His PASSIONATE LOVE.

–Around 11 months ago, I left my family happy and healthy. Shortly before my parents came to visit me, my paternal grandmother fell suddenly ill. I never really imagined or prepared for this moment. That last FaceTime with her was devastating and surreal. I still have many moments where I don’t want to/can’t believe that she is really gone. I am somewhat comforted by the fact that I was here in Uganda when she passed away. It feels like things are full circle, because she is the reason I first came to this country. I did not make it home for the funeral,and I truly believe she would have rather me stay here, serving the people she always wished she could. Here is the letter that I wrote to be read in my absence at her funeral:

She rooted me in the Word of God and taught me the importance of sharing Christ’s  PERFECT LOVE.

As Bob Goff says, “Love is never stationary. In the end, love doesn’t just keep thinking about it or keep planning for it. Simply put: love does.” I am here. Ready to love. I don’t know exactly what God has planned for my next year in Uganda, but what I do know is that I heard Him loudly and clearly saying He will show me. Goff also sums up another good lesson: “I used to think you had to be special for God to use you, but now I know you simply need to say yes.” It took me years to finally say “yes”, but I did. And I do again.

+ In a place where I can walk down the street and find people all over the place who have never even HEARD the name of Jesus, I am a Child of God, who has been given the opportunity to have found passionate love and relationship with & through Christ.

– School and the year are winding down and I can feel myself growing weary at times. Please pray for continued strength, endurance and patience.

+ & – The Lord has given me the opportunity to serve for another year in Uganda here at RG. Please continue to partner with me in prayer as I seek out all the exciting things the Lord has in store for the year to come. Pray that I trust in the Lord and don’t dwell on the financial aspect that comes along with this commitment.

In Christ’s Love,

Kelsey