The struggle to write each blog is still real. Several months ago I had in my mind what I thought was the right blog. Every time I sat down to write, I forgot what I wanted to say or it didn’t flow out of me smoothly like it has before. I would like to tell you that I finally remembered and figured out what I thought I was supposed to write. I cannot do that. Honestly, I still don’t really want to write this one because it doesn’t feel “finished” or “profound” enough for publication. So please stick with me because, as is life, this blog is about to get messy and possibly a little complicated to follow.

While in the states, a friend sent me envelopes with letters to bring back to RG to deliver to many of our students. I also had received a letter from her and inside my envelope was a letter, a picture and a little wooden carving. Based on the shape, size and weight of all the envelopes, it appeared all of the contents was the same in each. I was visiting the pod homes and delivering the letters when this conversation took place: One young man was looking through his envelope and proudly proclaimed, “Auntie, it’s a picture of you!” I laughed as another young man ran over to look, “Hey! Auntie, I didn’t get a picture of you in my envelope!” I jokingly responded, “Whoa, whoa, whoa! No need for jealousy—doesn’t the Bible say to be happy with what you have?!” Then we laughed and carried on some more. They continued to open their envelopes and the first young man pulled out the wooden carving and then another. Once again, messing around with the guys I joked, “What in the world?! I only got ONE wooden carving. What’s up with that?! She must love you more than me!” Then the young man responded, “Oh Auntie! You’re the one who’s jealous now, huh?!” The conversation was all out of good fun, but for some reason, that comment stopped me dead in my tracks. How could he even joke about me being jealous? That’s just silly. But it had also struck an unknown nerve. My initial response was to lash back and say something snide. The Holy Spirit shut my mouth and spoke to me. (Truthfully, I was not jealous of inequality of the wooden carvings at all.) I had to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. I had become jealous of the paths and qualities of other people. I wished I could have the easy life that so many other peopleappeared to have. I wanted all the good things on the outside, without the tough stuff going on in the inside. When I went back to the states, I was jealous of how easy and comfortable everyone seemed to be. Their lives were routine, patterned, comfortable and stable. Then when I returned to Uganda, I was jealous of the time my friends had together without me. I was jealous that things continued moving just fine without me. I was constantly comparing ME to THEM and I was always falling up short. God did not create us to be against each other. He did not create us to compare our lives against each other. “Each person is given something to do that shows who God is: Everyone gets in on it, everyone benefits.” 1 Corinthians 12:7 (MSG). Why in the world do I compare and become jealous when God has designed us to each have something unique to show who God is?! How cool is it that God made me in a way that no one could every be exactly like me? The Holy Spirit spoke to me and reminded me: “You are MY hands and feet. Not your own. I’m in control. I have placed you where I want myself to be.” God is forever the same, even when we change and our lives take different paths. Love does not envy. How can I say that I love someone if I am envious of them?

The other point I want to pick from that is the idea that change is not the same thing as compromise. While growing up, my family sort of had a way of mocking “change”. We joked about having to go through “life-changing experiences”. We joked about how the Stiers’ genes say that “change is bad”. We had small battles over changes as we grew older. We hesitantly made changes for uncertainty of the unknown. I use the word “we” knowing that I myself am one of the biggest components of the “we” that refused change.

The Lord recently showed me that for all this time, I have been confusing the idea of changing versus compromising. I never want anything to change because that means something has to be compromised, right? I felt that if a change in my life occurred that I didn’t want, then obviously, that change must be a compromise of my morals and values.  If there was a welcomed change happening in my life, that also meant that I was having to concede to something that was “bad” or “wrong”—a positive purging. All of this was based on the idea that everything I personally thought was deemed as “right” or “truth”; therefore, in my stubborn, limited view, if I didn’t agree to a change, there was no possible way that I was wrong. It could only mean that this change was a bad thing and had to be stopped. (I want to be careful to point out that I am not claiming that I always thought I was correct, I just didn’t know how to let changes happen and still be comfortable with the idea that I was not compromising Biblical truths I believe in.) All of my life I have fought change and clung to the old and known, while dreading the transition through the new and unknown. To me, those changes meant a personal compromise. To God, those changes meant a cleansing of my ways into His ways.

God is forever the same, but knowing we all fall short, He asks us to continually change and transform our stubborn ways to be His ways. BUT, He will NEVER ask us to compromise who we are in Him or His biblical truths for those life changes. Instead, the changes He wants us to make are to compromise, or remove, our sinful ways and focus on the ways of Jesus. By one definition, compromise means “to allow your principles to be less strong or your standards to be lower”. God commands us to compromise OUR thoughts that are purely human and change them into thought that are from the Spirit. Galatians 2:20 says, “I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.” My personal translation: No life change will ever be a compromise of Biblical truth if God is the One asking you to change.

Now. Let me put this idea a little bit more practically to my life. Growing up in the western society, we are constantly bombarded with the “American Dream”. I sure am proud to be an American, so I very much fall into the category of desiring that dream. Or should I say fell. I grew up in white suburbia, participated in all kinds of sports, music and church activities. I was surrounded by all kinds of family, friends and people on the same path. I loved my upbringing and I honestly would not have traded it for anything! I feel incredibly blessed; thus, one of the biggest struggles I battled when choosing to move to Uganda initially was the change and “break-up” with that lifestyle. (Disclaimer: I am not claiming there is anything wrong with the “American Dream”, and I know many people who are thriving and glorifying God through their lifestyles. I admire you all as well!) It has taken an emotional 1.5 years of adaptation and CHANGE, but I am finally realizing that I am not taking a break from my “other life” and walking these Ugandan roads, just to get back to “my life” and finish chasing that dream. This is my life here and now. There are no pause or rewind buttons. I feel God pushing me to break free from my own limitations I’ve put on my life, and let me tell you, it is truly empowering to be able to confident in yourself through the power of God’s confidence in you. I find myself questioning God over and over again, “God, are you really sure that I can do this?! Me? Am I capable?” He gently continually reminds me what it says in 1 Corinthians 10:13, “God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” There are so many characters in the Bible that didn’t feel capable or ready to break free from the mold and be different. They didn’t believe that they had it in them to be the first to walk an unknown road. Isaiah 41:10 tells us that God takes hold of our right hand and commands us not to fear because He will help us. We know God is always faithful, but the cool thing is that God trusted each of those people in the Bible enough to choose to take hold of His hand too and not let go.

At this time, I have no idea what change God has in store for me, when it might happen or how it might happen. I do know that He is strongly prompting me to dive deeper into His Word and inquire from Him to learn what it means to allow Him to truly change me and for me to be comfortable with it. When relationships in my life change, I have found that I don’t deal well with that change and I feel least resilient from that. I ask that you be prayerful with me in my boldness and obedience of faith. I ask that you be especially be prayerful with me in changes that happen in my relationships with people.

God often speaks to me through music and song lyrics. I want to share with you a progression of songs in a playlist I had the other day, and the way the Lord used those to encourage me:

I’ve got a homesick heart but a long ways left to go.  I’ve got dreams that keep me up in the dead of night, telling me I wasn’t made for the simple life. – NEEDTOBREATHE “Happiness”

We all desire our heavenly home, but God put us here on the earth for a purpose first. Each of us has choices to make, and God never promises that by choosing to follow Him, we will get the simple way out.

I’m no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God. –Bethel Music “No Longer Slaves”

Never fear what the world will think of you or how they will respond to you. God will carry us through everything.

Your love keeps chasing me; Your grace keeps changing me; You always will; You always will. –Hillsong United “Always Will”

My thoughts tend to lean toward the idea that if I finally allow a big life-change, then I will be able to settle down and get comfortable because I finally obeyed and overcame the fear of change, right? Wrong. God will CONTINUE to push us to change over and over again.

Every high thing must come down; every stronghold shall be broken. – Darlene Zschech “Victor’s Crown”

Every dream or plan we have on this earth is exactly that—earthly. No matter how tight we hold onto dreams, the will never be forever.

We won’t forget where we came from; the city won’t change us. We beat to the same drum. It don’t matter where we go, we always find our way back home. –Andy Grammar “Back Home”

Heaven is our real home. Jesus is the only way to Heaven. No matter where this world carries us or how it changes us, Jesus always leads us back to our home.

Praises and Prayer Requests

+ The school is carrying on well and we have almost made it through to second term break! Many pieces and parts of RG’s developing school are still missing and need to be addressed.
+ and – We had a few discipline cases where children returned to their villages for several weeks. Some have already returned and we are grateful, but we are praying for changed behavior and continued growth in Christ.
+ Pray for all of the leadership to be a united core and to constantly lead this place and surrounding community toward God.
— Personally, I am battling a few internal struggles with myself, my ministry and my relationships. Please pray for boldness, courage and obedience in faith.

All the love and many thanks,

Kelsey